Not so friendly Friendship Cake

Have you ever been presented with a gallon Ziploc back with about a cup of goo in it called "Friendship Cake"? Well, as soon as you took it into your possession the person who gave it to you breathed a HUGE sigh of relief. Sure, they told you "It tastes great! Just follow the directions for each day." So I took it, and kept it on the front seat of the car on my way home from Georgia. My problem was that on the day I was supposed to add sugar and milk and flour I was in a hotel room in Dobson, NC. Do you know where that is? In the middle of nowhere NC. So by the time I got home and dragged myself, luggage, dirty clothes, computer and cooler and the bag of goo I had mushed daily, into the house, did I care what day it was? NO.

The next day I added the three things needed, after I mixed up milk from the dried milk in the cabinet. I mushed for three or four more days until today when I discovered it was Day 10, or in my case, Day 11, and time to bring the "Friendship Cake" to fruition. I started adding things I didn't even know I had. First I had to add ingredients so the batter could be divided into four more portions to be foisted on unsuspecting "friends." Well, first, I don't have any friends in this town, or this Commonwealth, as Pennsylvania is called. I guess I could drive to Brenda's house in Allentown (I had considered visiting for a few days). But that wasn't even necessary I found when I started looking for four gallon sized Ziploc bags to put one cup of goo in. So I put all four portions in the old bag given to me by my "friend." Next, I had to add more stuff to the remainder of the goo. When it came to the cup of oil I took a bottle from the cabinet and let 'er rip. As I closed the bottle I thought "my that has a sort of nutty fragrance." I looked at the bottle and saw that it was oil saved from my deep fat fryer in which I had made chicken wings for husband's birthday in February. Oh well. It was too late now. I kept adding things until I saw that I needed a large box of instant vanilla pudding. What the H___! But, my cabinet even gave up two regular boxes of sugar free instant vanilla pudding. OK. My good fortune - until... The recipe called for the batter to be divided into two loaf pans and baked at 325 degrees for an hour. Well, I didn't have two loaf pans - and I had an appointment to get my hair colored in York at 2:30. It was 12:30 and it takes about 40 minutes to get there. So, I found four round cake pans and discovered I had to grease them and dust them with a mixture of sugar and cinnamon. This would be about the 3rd or 4th cup of sugar added to this stuff since Day 6. What friend would ever give anybody something that has that much sugar in it - added to the cup of fried chicken oil. A surefire heart attack in the making. So, I divvied up the batter into the four pans I dusted, and put them in the oven. I got dressed, ate lunch, and an hour later pulled the Friendship Cakes from the oven. They were about an inch high. I slapped one into an aluminum pie pan I found in the cabinet, left the others on the stove, and ran for the car. On my arrival at the salon I put the cake down on the front desk and the receptionist asked what it was. I said it was Friendship Cake and to prove it I had not brought them a cup of the batter to mush for 10 days and then try to figure out what to do with it. The receptionist said I was indeed a friend, as she had been through that one already. She offered me a piece with a cup of coffee. The owner got me the coffee and the cake never appeared, although one person told me it was really good. I wondered if they could taste the fried chicken in it. I gave another one to my neighborhood guys, but gave them no batter as they can barely make it to work on time and eat off of their grill in the back yard. Only two to go. New secret ingredient - fried chicken oil. Final word - only the Amish have the secret to starting the batter. I have the secret to ending the batter - it is going in the toilet.